The Shore Whispers (A Short Story)

In a cold, dark evening lit by the stars and the beach lights, together with distant chatting noises, I opened my eyes to the sounds of ocean waves and cold breeze, as I realized that I woke up from a nap at the shore with my pen and sketchbook in my lap.

I don't even remember how I got here.

With the pen and paper with me, it seems like I was about to be drawing again. I haven't drew in a while and the page looks blank so I really don't know what am I supposed to do here. But one thing is for sure, I was crying before I fell into a deep nap. My heavy numb face with dried tear lines and the drop-wet sketchbook page is enough to explain it all. But why am I crying at the shore, I have no idea.

I stood up, walked nearer to where the waters are and stared at the waves for a while. There's something very chaotic but peaceful at the same time about it, I must be so hypnotized and mystified about it that I cannot take my eyes out of it. I can hear the waters call my name and I am slowly walking towards it. I felt the cold water touch my skin but instead of shivers, I felt a certain relief and it got me hooked. I was staring at the water so much that I start to have a glimpse of my reflection like I have never seen myself the same way before. 

It feels like everything about my life flashes before my eyes. I remembered who I am.

I am successful, with all the use of the word. I graduated on top of my class, have a great stable business that is doing well, a loving partner by my side, and a happy circle of family, friends and colleagues. I get along with everyone I look and dress well, I am admirable, I am smart, and popular. I seem to have the perfect identity, everything goes my way, and everybody would want to be with me or would want to be me. I can be a real-life princess if I have to. I am a big deal.

But why am I here, crying alone at the shore?

I got out of my deep thoughts and looked back at the people chatting at the distant beach hut. Those are my friends and colleagues but I do not seem to recognize them despite seeing them clearly with my eyes. I suddely lost my balance and fell underwater. That's when I felt the shivering cold but I can't let go. In fact, I don't even want to get back up. Floating in the water was so comforting that I felt so emotional, I start to close my eyes. 

I may be what was perceived as the perfect person, but deep within, I am so exhausted. It was not easy getting to the person I am now today. The hardships, the desparation to be recognized as someone important, the times I begged to not fail, and all the pain I endured to  work hard and achieve the life I dreamed for myself. Even the countless friendships and betrayals that I have to experience. Now that a woman like me got to a certain success, there's an unsaid expectation on how I should keep this going. At this point, the world is looking at me and waiting for me to fail, in which I refuse to give them any satisafaction. Which means I have to work harder, be busier, and take things more seriously even if it will cost my personal life and letting go of things I love. It was draining. I got success but I am losing myself in the process.

At this point, I want to be one with the water. I want to feel living in a calm and not-so-hectic condition. I wonder how would it feel to be with the peace of the sea. Maybe I could have made so many artworks and have so much for myself.

I opened my eyes from that thought and stood up from floating. I got back from a reality after that dream. But I can't help but think "...what if?"

 

I took a glimpse of the beach hut. No one's around. It's probably late that everybody got back to their hotel rooms. I walked to towards it and now I can recall why did I end up crying and floating in the ocean.

The thing is, today is my best friend and her fiancè's engagement party and we agreed to make it a beach outing. I was happy for them and I took the challenge of being her bridesmaid. As we got here, we began settling in to each of our hotel rooms, I got busy and lost sight of my boyfriend. I looked everywhere thinking that he must be walking around or checks in with our friends. I asked around and they haven't seen him as well. 

Then, the only place I haven't looked is the engaged couple's room. The groom-to-be was at the bar without his muse. I thought that maybe it is a great time to check in with my best friend. So being the excited, close best friend that I am, I opened the door without knocking, just to see my boyfriend on top of her.

I am furious in a way that I could not even imagine. It's also very foolish that they did not even locked the door, as if they're waiting to be caught and shove it to my face. I was mad, I was crying, but there's nothing I can do but just tear my eyes out going to our room. I stayed there and just bawl my eyes out until I see my sketch book laying around on my open suitcase. I mindlessly gathered my sketchbook and pen and just ran next to the shore. I cried so much that I felt all the exhaustion until my body just shut down.

With that, I think it's time for me to get my things and go home. Call off the bridesmaid duty.